rambling thoughts on misunderstanding - warning: it doesn't make much sense :)

i feel like this has come up a lot lately for me - how? lots of ways - distance, language, culture - you know, the normal ones.

it's not always bad to be misunderstood, of course, but when it comes to really feeling comfortable in your skin and in your head in a place where both are pretty foreign, it can just be, well, frustrating. i'm not having problems with anyone here - no problems with my job, my life in general - i think my biggest problem is just figuring out how to do it all, to be my estadounidense self with all the ideas and perspectives that come with it, to be a sensitive foreigner in a different culture (well, more than that - to adapt), to relate to both cultures while really not completely relating to either. how am i supposed to do that? i never was the stereotypical american, i guess, but it was always pretty apparent to myself (and others many times too) where i was from. so for now i'm not chilean, but i'm beyond my american view too - i guess you can't be defined by a culture, though it is nice to relate to something. hmm, i'm rambling...

well, i am proud of my country and love it - it's not perfect, but that's ok, no country is. just because i meet americans here doesn't mean i have to like them or be like them - and if i do and am, well, i guess i have a new friend :) my friends here are from all over, and that's pretty cool - well, lots of my friends at home were too, including my boyfriend - and that's incredible too. i need to take things more as they are, i think - i get too far into my head and get lost, total waste of energy.

so for now, i'm just going to sit here and listen to my 311 and think of my high school summers in fayetteville spent driving in the oppressive heat to the lake or the movies or wherever - then when imogen heap comes on i'll think of my summer of indulgence and insatiable desire to travel (that still hasn't left me, obviously) in france - then when ivete sangalo comes on i'll be right back on the beach in brazil drinking beer and eating bolinhos as angry waves crash on the beach - and then reggaeton will come on and i'll be right here, right now, all of these things together. and that's what it is.

so please don't expect me to be one of these people all the time, or assume i am because i'm from where i'm from or i've been where i've been - i'm just me - i think too much, fall hard, trust fast, don't mind living simply, am always 15 minutes late, and would be content to just feel valuable, needed, loved, and appreciated - i'm not a "stuff" person really.

and if i'm going to be misunderstood, i'd prefer that it was this and not my home country or my adopted country or any other country or culture that got mixed up in the middle - if only the world were that simple :)

i need background music

i´ve loved music for a very very long time. i grew up playing an instrument (yay flute, ha ha), singing in the car and in the shower, and listening to music as much as possible, including during studying (sorry, holly) and sleeping (sorry again, holly), working out, on long car/plane/train trips, and even walking to class with the wonderful invention of the mp3 player (thank you, whoever´s responsible for this :D) - i really love music. i love most kinds, not all, but i´m open to anything that has a good beat, inspiring lyrics, insatiable soul, and creates an atmosphere that suits my mood...i´m not too hard to please :) through being out of my environment a little bit in terms of music here in salvador, i´ve come to discover some new things about it and my connection to it. maybe i should first tell you about how music is here though so you´ll understand what i mean a little better...

brazilians are known as party-loving people, in general. this is true, they loooove parties, dancing, music, food, and everything that comes with it. sweet, who doesn´t? in salvador especially, everyone is happy, helpful, hospitable, and loves loves loves music, lots of kinds...reggae, pop, rock/alternative, axé (carnival music), samba, forró (são joão music), pagode, arrocha, funk, electronica, mixes of all of these, etc. i´ve encountered so many new kinds since i´ve been here and i love them all...yay for a music-loving city and people! i have some cd´s but no cd player so i end up really only listening to it on my own when i´m at a compter (ie work or at home (sometimes)). i don´t know what it is about music, but it helps me concentrate, always has. the cool thing about listening to all of these different kinds, though, is the inspiration i get...the different feelings and moods of the music give me different ideas and i feel like have almost expanding my thinking in some ways, not to mention that listening to music in a different language helps you learn it. that´s one of the things i realized today while listening to some of my brazilian songs - it´s like a new song every day because i understand a little more, yay! even with songs in english, you can hear new things every time you listen, how cool is that?

the music scene in atl isn´t horrible, but i´m definitely going to miss the attitude toward music in general here, as well as the scene. what is it about music that makes people want to jump around like maniacs then cry then chill in a hammock next to the beach? how can one thing be so diverse and create such a diversity of feelings? and how did people all over the world come up with so many different types? i´ve heard beats and combinations of instruments i never would´ve thought of here, and it´s great. and i definitely feel like knowing someone´s music you come to learn a little more (or maybe even a lot more) about them, especially in terms of a culture.

i went to a brazilian wedding last weekend. the reception was all brazilian music, especially axé and samba since the couple had met at carnival. the bride and groom wore carnival-type accessories (glowing necklaces, fuzzy crowns, etc), and everyone danced until after 3am. when´s the last time you saw that in a wedding?

welcome to brazil :)

p.s. - if you want to hear some of this music let me know and i´ll try to send you some :D beijos.