and then you start thinking that you almost belong.

i heard a quote from a friend today that made a lot of sense - it was funny, granted, but true.

"aiesecers know where they want to end up in life - they just don't know where they'll be next year."

how. true. if you had asked me a year ago what i'd be doing about now, i'd probably have told you that i'd be working in some environmental firm somewhere designing water treatment plants or something on the computer all day. if you had proceeded to tell me that i'd be living in chile in an apartment with no fridge, little furniture, 3 people from 3 different countries, and working for an administrative body of aiesec that oversees its operation in 3 completely foreign countries (to me), i probably would've laughed at you or given you the look like you'd gone crazy. my life here is incredible, really, and i sometimes have to stop and wonder how i even got here in the first place - sometimes i still just can't believe it.

when do people you've just met become friends? and when does a country and culture so foreign become yours? it's all very gradual, i guess, until one day you realize that you don't feel so out of place anymore - you almost belong.

tonight i went out with some friends to say goodbye to sarah, my fellow gringa who has been living here for the past 7 months - it'd weird to think that even a month ago i really only knew her by sight, and as of today, she really had become one of my friends here. she leaves tomorrow for the u.s. - she's at the end of her chilean journey. as she talked to me the other night about all the things she missed from home, simple things really, it struck me how long it would be for me until i'd have them. i don't have 7 months here yet, so i guess i'm just not feeling it quite as strongly. but i think it's something else too. at this point in my brazilian experience last summer, i was 3 weeks away from going home - and i could feel it. every day spent was another closer to home and the people there, not so much the things, but still. i loved my time there and i loved the people, but it was like having something else that i missed so much so close i could taste it - and a taste was all it took to make me miss it so much more.

right now i look at my journey and see 5 more months until i'll set foot on u.s. soil again, then another 5-6 afterwards back here in chile. 5 more months before i'll eat my mom's food or drive my car or sing to the mirror in my bedroom. whatever. but right now it's ok. right now i miss the people like mad - my family, my friends, my boyfriend (who hopefully i'll get to see soon!) - but not the things, and it's bearable i think because i know i won't see them for 5 months and i'm mentally prepared. but who knows - i can't lie, this cold rain is really making me want summer right now :)

anyway, i think it's the taste that tortures you the most in things like this, especially once you've adapted to another and almost felt like you belonged.

i know i'll never be chilean completely, but if i can be almost - enough to fit in, enough to appreciate my life here for what it is, enough to live - i'll be in the best position possible to live as i should, no matter where i am at the time.

and then there was one.

i arrived to an apartment hosting 5 people - 2 months, 0.5 weeks ago

i lived with 7 people, only one a permanent future roommate, in this apartment - 1 month ago

i live with 2 people, both permanent roommates, in this apartment right now.

i will live alone for the weekend in this apartment that has hosted us all.

if only walls could talk.

touristy, but not...and we´re tourists, but not...

oh, the craziness! so this past weekend, me, david (the canadian trainee), lisa (former american bh, brazil trainee now studying in salvador), and shaynee (american studying in salvador) set out for morro de são paulo, an island off the coast about 2 hrs by boat from salvador. well, 2 hrs if you pay r$60 for a 1-way ticket on a catamaran...i don´t think so. we decided to take the "road less traveled," or maybe more traveled really since it´s the way that the locals all go when they want to visit this beautiful place...yay for living with and hanging out with locals :D

so our voyage looked like this...bus #1 from home (and we all live in different neighborhoods so this was solo) to the ferry boat place (pronounced fe-hee booch)...ferry boat (approx. 45 mins) to itaparica, an island off the coast...bus#2 (approx. 1.5 hrs) from bom despacho, itaparica to valença, a city back on the mainland...boat #2 (approx. 30 mins) from valença to morro de são paulo, our final destination. we paid a total of r$25 each way for this trip, less than half of the cost for the direct catamaran! aaaaand, since we didn´t go through as much open sea, the boat rides were much calmer and didn´t have ppl hanging over the edge puking the whole time (from sources on the catamaran, this was the case, eek!). anyway, so that´s the how. but what did we do there, you might ask?

relax! while it rained in salvador all weekend (normal this time of year), we enjoyed sunny, hot weather perfect for hiking to the lighthouse at the top of the morro (hill in english), swimming in the ocean, intending to just chill on the beach but actually passing out, enjoying caipirinhas with freshly blended fruit, eating delicious traditional brazilian food, always a meat with rice, beans, farofa (kinda like this powder stuff that you put on your food to give it more weight, i´d never seen it before i came here), and small salad, and in my case, guaraná (best soda ever :D)...anytime you´re in a beach town you can probably do the same kind of relaxation things, but here´s the thing about this town...it was touristy but not. everything was appealing, the way the shops looked, the things they sold, the way the town was set up (streets made of sand, no cars, everything walking distance, ppl walking around in swimsuits and cangas, music everywhere, etc) - it had to have been planned at least a little. it didn´t feel fake though, like how disney world is almost too clean and perfect to be true, you know? things had character and seemed authentic and personal...the people were nice and loved talking to you (if you could get your portuguese together, of course, ha ha) - it really felt like a paradise, the whole package. i´ve never been to a place quite that authentic-feeling and perfect at the same time, like i said, touristy but not. there are pictures on my facebook, but i´ll try to put some here too later :)

and then i got to thinking...how perfect for us! as a trainee, you´re like a tourist but not, definitely not. we didn´t pay extravagant amts of money like a lot of tourists would do (like for the catamaran for example) because we´re a little more than that here, we live here. we take the bus to work/school like all the of the brazilians, i go home and eat home cooked food in a house in one of the more residential parts of town, i go to the bars and clubs that my friends here go to and pay what they pay...it´s different, yet i´d never been to morro de são paulo, which is one of those places that lots of ppl from salvador have been to, at least. i´d never seen pelourinho, the beautiful old part of salvador when i first arrived, and before i leave, i have to return to buy gifts to bring home and take some last meaningful photos :) there´s still so much i haven´t done here and so much that i have more to learn yet i´ve learned and now know so much already. so i´m not a tourist then. but i´m not a native nor a local.

so what does that make me? to be honest, there´s so much of my own country i still haven´t seen. so am i the same here as i am there? no, but on paper who would know?

they say that home is where the heart is...i think that´s true. but i also think you can have more than one home.